When you suddenly find yourself in the elusive world called “infertility” it can be a daunting, shock inducing and helpless feeling. It is a space that no one ever intends or expects to find themselves. The reality is that millions of women and men are finding out on a daily basis that they are struggling with infertility, the inability to conceive a child.
Fertility Coaching is a relatively new branch of support service, which is growing in need and popularity. In broad summary, a Fertility Coach or Fertility Support Coach assists clients by providing all the non-medical assistance needed, as clients walk their own road to parenthood.
The need for these coaches has grown exponentially on a continuing upward growth trend, as there is an ever increasing, worldwide infertility diagnosis growth. The reasons for this include woman leaving childbearing years to later in life, a more stressful and even toxic environment and lifestyle is also cited as potential contributing factors.
Global infertility and the communication technology of our age allows for a Fertility Coach to walk next to a client as they face the step-by-step challenge that is fertility treatment. This may be one on one consulting but is also often coaching via technology over geographical distance.
A fertility coach specifically identifies each individual according to her/his needs and circumstances, as not only are treatments varied but patient’s reactions to whatever they are undergoing varies to an even greater extent. A fertility coach will look at helping their clients manage expectations, identify their fears, which result in their stressors and manage the individuals stress reactions with proven stress management techniques. Such techniques are discussed at length in the FERTILITYDawn’s Conception Mindset Program book and includes various stress reduction modalities
The loss of ones spontaneous fertility is soul shattering, numbing and a life-changing moment. It is devastating and a loss of hope overcomes you. I know this because I’ve been there. “Bereavement” refers to a death, so why is it applicable in this situation, you may be asking. Your hopes, dreams and expectations of a pregnancy are suddenly taken away after a time where hope or even certainly was always at the back of your mind and heart. A profound feeling of loss and grief is expected and real, even if you don’t express it immediately or at all.
Clients would often be battling to conceive. This may include patients considering or undergoing Assisted Reproduction like IVF, AI or IUI, egg or sperm donation. Even couples needing/making use of a surrogate or same sex couples walking this road need guidance from someone who understands these different paths to parenthood. Working in this field I even find myself discussing the more and more popular process of young women freezing their eggs for later use to try and ensure that their eggs are still viable should they decide to delay having a child/ren until their later years. Even age 35+ is considered to be on the later side of trying to conceive.
One thing that I have learn via my own infertility battle, and having assisted thousands of couples over more than a decade is that there is a space that exists for many women and men, where additional support is needed. This support can take one of many or a few types. This is where a Fertility Coach can have a huge impact and role to play.
Managing emotions such as shock, fear, helplessness and grief are often present and the patient does not know where to start to help themselves. Fear manifests as stress, which, unless addressed, can over time become distress. It is unchartered territory. Certainly a psychologist focussing on infertility can be a great source of assistance and is a resource, which many do seek out. A fertility coach is not necessarily a medical professional but rather someone who usually understands first hand having been though infertility themselves. Either way emotional management is a key component in navigating the path of infertility and/or an alternative path to parenthood.
A Fertility Coach will often focus on areas such as stress management, having realistic expectations, how to build resilience, skills to maintain happiness and self care. Managing the Time-to-Urgency need, which often creeps into the infertility road, can be a key role for a fertility coach to assist. Time-to-Conception Urgency definition: Urgency experienced from the decision to undergo IVF treatment and getting pregnant. Yes, it’s a real thing. Excessive time urgency is also referred to as “hurry sickness” because its symptoms are racing against the clock (or calendar) to get too much done too quickly. Physiologically it causes the release of cortisol…that hormone that can be hostile and not pro conception. Time urgency places tremendous stress on the mind and body.
Emotional support may also be needed in the event of a failed attempt of miscarriage. The latter is sadly a reality for many who walk this bath and it requires the knowledge and care of a Fertility Coach, ideally with some experience in Perinatal Bereavement Work. Grief and loss are specific and deeply painful often needing someone who understands and can nurse and guide the pain.
Practical information is also often vague for someone thrown into one or another fertility investigations or conception attempts like In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF.) The clinics Doctors and nurses are often very willing to review such a process in detail but often even by the time you have returned home, you have had to take in so much information you feel confused, lost and alone. Enter your fertility coach who is available not only to review the process and steps that you will undergo but also to be there every step of the way.
Essentially fertility coaches exist to hold the space between what the fertility doctors and nurses are doing to assist in conception and what the patient is feeling. Fertility coaches support rather than take away from what the medical field offers with assisted reproduction as they fill in the information gaps that may exist.
Friends and family mean well to support you but unless they have walked in “the infertility shoes” and can provide the information needed their support, whilst well intended will be limited. A Fertility Coach will focus on the whole person and not only the diagnosis or treatment details.
In summary a fertility coach identifies the needs of each individual client, as each persons path is unique. A coach can be a much needed support in an often daunting and painful experience and is also there to remind the client that there is most often hope of a child at the end of the road. What does one look for in a Fertility Support Coach? A fertility coaches credentials are as unique as the clients’ they serve. Often, and certainly was the case for me, there was never a decision to “become” a coach but rather a person battle with infertility that led me to assisting intended parents in this way. I founded an egg donation agency and the referrals from clinics to assist couples in finding an egg donor started my interactions and support of recipients of egg donation. I very soon realised that providing an egg donor was not the only need these patients of fertility had. They wanted their journey to that point in their path to be understood and they wanted to understand. They needed support both emotional and practical and so my own journey as a “coach” was born. The FERTILITYDawn website, founded some 12 years later puts together a Program, The Conception Mindset which serves to support intended parents with all the skills to help themselves and feel less alone and more informed with pro conception interventions in both mind-set and lifestyle.What