My Story

It’s a defining moment you never really forget when you are told (by a fertility specialist, after 3 years of trying, and with the cold bedside manner of a stone) that you may not have a child. When that word “infertility” first hits you in the gut you are in shock without quite being able to move or process what that means or what your life may look like without a child.
That was my introduction to our decision to start a family. Childless was not what I saw for my future and when the initial shock (which lasted only the day) had started to subside, I remembered the doctor’s reference to “we can try IVF.”

Besides my husbands attempted support I still remember an overriding feeling of being completely alone with my fears, my hopes, my lack of understanding about how this IVF thing worked and what I should and should not do. There was no support, no one to hold that space between where I was and where I had hoped to be – pregnant. I started to Google this “IVF thing” with urgency and a glimmer of hope once again appeared for my future. There really was some HOPE on those pages! I immediately called to schedule our next appointment with the fertility specialist as though it was the only thing that mattered…the chance, however small, was there.

I went into our first IVF cycle ignorant and scared of failure, not knowing whether I was injecting myself properly, eating correctly and generally doing whatever would help it result in a positive pregnancy. It was a disaster and the cycle was abandoned.

Time to change fertility clinics I decided, without really knowing if that would make a difference.

Again ignorant, with only Google on my side, a new clinic, a warm mannered specialist and a second IVF cycle commenced. Managing my mind and it’s ability to derail me was the biggest challenge but I quickly developed my own way of facing this process. With resolve, coping mechanism and lifestyle changes our second cycle began and after 3 weeks we had 2 (only 2) little embryos to transfer, one stronger than the other but 2 nevertheless. Fast forward to a pregnancy test with two pink stripes…our son born 38 weeks later.

There is nothing that compares to the moment you first lay eyes on that little baby as it’s pulled out of you and lifted up for all to see. I was a mother.

A few months later, I applied all the self care, mind management and lifestyle factors I had learnt and another IVF cycle and we conceived our daughter Ella. We had but ONE embryo! I often now tell patients, 1 good embryo is all you need! She was born 39 weeks later.

After a 6 year infertility road, that I thought would surely destroy me, we were four.

Shortly after our son was born and remembering how utterly alone I felt with my tears and fears as I walked that road, I knew that I wasn’t the only one suffering on the path that I call the (IN) FERTILITY journey. Why “IN” and not INFERTILITY, you may be asking….the answer quite simply is that for years I was PERSONALLY “IN” the “infertile trying to get pregnant category!” I see that it now it has its own acronym which I wasn’t aware existed, aka TTC (Trying To Conceive.)